Speculation is a very human thing, I think. I think we all love to speculate and wonder about the things we don't know and the things that feel strange to us. It's a way for us to understand and comprehend what might otherwise feel incomprehensible. And we're sense-making creatures, right? We always try to make sense of what goes on around us. It's probably a survival tactic, really. If we know what is happening around us, we're also better equipped to deal with it - and to assess whether it feels safe or not. And safety is the most important aspect out of all! If something doesn't feel safe, then we're likely to stay away from it, to protect ourselves. Or at least be on guard around it, watching it closely while we gather more information.
I could expand on this topic, but that's not really why I'm here. My point is that I really do understand why people like to speculate (and sometimes dramatize) about the members' lives. I just don't agree with it. I don't subscribe to that type of "fan lifestyle" for lack of a better phrase. Because I really truly believe that the members' actual lives, personalities and work are A LOT more interesting than anything fictional or otherwise made-up.
Isn't that why we're here? because of their sincerity and vulnerability? not because of their well-kept secrets or hidden parallel lives or whatever else you may want to believe. I get why it's tempting to write fanfiction and spread rumours about secret wives and children, it's like designing your own version of the truth - you get to spice it up to your liking. And I'll say that I'm all for fanfiction when it comes to fictional stories like Harry Potter or Twilight or Game of Thrones, because those stories are set in stone. You'll always be able to go back to the original text and thus be able to differentiate it from the storylines that fans write.
But the members aren't part of some fictional universe, however fairytale-like their career may sound to you. They're real people with real lives, and they may have gotten mostly used to living in the public eye, but as Namjoon said in a Live last year: "guys, it's MY life." They're entitled to make their own decisions without their fan's approval - especially when it comes to their personal lives and things like military service. And we should be supporting these decisions, if they choose to share them with us - and not attempt to interfere or change their minds about certain things. The same way that you wouldn’t want someone else to interfere in your life, however much they may care about you and support you. It's YOUR life, right? Meaning it's YOUR decision whether to enlist in June, October or December. It's also the government's decision, but you know what I mean... We were all waiting for that notice to come out for Namjoon, but as he was working on his album, he chose to postpone all the way till December.
One of the many good things about them growing older though, is how their reactions to fan comments or fan behaviour they don’t like has changed. In the past they'd mostly ignore them all expect Yoongi (and sometimes Jin), now though they don’t shy away from calling out these comments/ behaviour and stating their honest opinions about them (however unpopular they may be). I LOVE that! And I think we're going to see more of that when they come back, and as they continue to grow older and change. This parasocial sphere is a fascinating place to be and observe, but boundaries are needed here as much as any other place. And if some ARMYs aren't ready to respect their privacy, then I don’t think those people understand what it REALLY means to be ARMY. It's not about idolising the guys as something other or superior, it's about equal partnership and helping each other "to human" in the best way possible. Yes, I agree that the guys are incredible and they're sharing so much with us - but that doesn’t make them your property.
I seem to be veering off course though.. Sorry, this is a weirdly difficult discipline...
Clearly, there's a lot to talk about here - with boundaries and when to state your opinion as a fan. And I don’t have any clean-cut answers and neither I believe do any of the guys. But what I definitely would like to state very boldly and very loudly is that THE GUYS ARE HUMAN and just please behave accordingly. You may not know them personally, but they're still able to read your comments and in theory they're still able to see everything else you may be sharing online in public spheres. We know that the guys monitor, right? We know that JK likes to watch fan covers of his songs, we know that Tae loves his ARMY vlogs, we now know that Hobi read fan-letters while serving, we know that Jimin/ Namjoon /JK watched the fan-made song celebrating their 10 years because of live comments, we know that Jimin's moon-phases tattoo were inspired by an ARMY artwork... They pay as much attention to us as we do to them! Stan an artist that stans you back, right? And please treat them the same you would a real-life friend! They've never asked for anything else.
Also can we not dig deep into possibly known personal facts like JK's
big fancy house? I've seen channels that are dedicated to keep you updated on
the progression of the building work? Again, what happened to privacy? He has NEVER once stated that he's having
a house built for himself. And why do you think that is? Probably because he doesn’t
want to share that fact (if it is even a real fact to share). There's a weird
thing that seems to exist within our fandom (maybe it exists within all
fandoms?) which goes something like "the more you know, the better a fan
you are" or something like that. I think some ARMYs really take that
literally, "the more juicy personal details I can find about these guys, the
more dedicated I am as a fan." And these ARMYs are ready to go to ALL OUT
on finding out facts about the guys, through literally ANY means necessary. Again, I'm not saying that this house-thing IS a fact. I've chosen not
to care about it till JK one day (if ever) chooses to share it with us. But if
it were a fact, then why do these ARMYs feel comfortable and confident in
sharing it with us? THIS is much more important to me than whether JK is
actually building a house somewhere in Seoul. And the same goes for the people who
kept spreading the supposed "fact" that Namjoon has a wife and kids
somewhere ? I see the initial joy in dramatizing reality and filling out the
gaps yourself. But how can you not see that this is more so harming the fandom
than it is making it better? Real ones know what's what. But I don’t think it's
doing any good to be spreading gossip around as facts - or even as pretend reality. I am aware though that it has garnered a sort of subculture within the fandom...
The very worst part though is that the guys have built their image and this community on trust and sincerity. In their songs they talk about the very real world and the very real lives that we all live. They comment on the very real society, on political disputes, social inequality, the digital modern age and how complicated human relationships are all around - among many other topics. Thus it feels like a poor way to repay them with exaggerated truths and gossip. They've always tried to help us live in this very complicated world, and I think the majority of us have wanted to show our gratitude through honest and sincere feedback as well as streams, likes, merch etc.
Maybe I'll change my mind one day.. And to be fair I don't mind the harmless ones, little fictional worlds full of Jimin-chicks and Jin-alpacas. Those are just cute. It's the ones that tries to convince us that the guys are not what they seem, that they live crazy paralleled lives in secret. And that you absolutely HAVE to follow their channel to be updated on the Real News about the members.
Please don't treat the members as fictional characters ARMY. they're as real as you and me 💜